I feel like this public service announcement is necessary for the masses to hear. I am tired of being pushed around on the sidewalk. Men, take note!
5. Never walk more than 2 abreast. There is nothing I detest more than getting stuck behind a pack of inconsiderates who fan out to form an impenetrable line of 4 abreast. The thoughtless wonders who generally do this are also walking at a tourist's pace so it is impossible the rest of us to get to work in time! The world is NOT your oyster! Move over or walk behind each other!
4. Whistling, cat calling and leering are anything but sexy. While you may think that shouting out brilliant things like, "Hey Baby!" or "Got some fries with that shake?" will make us want to stop, turn around and make mad love to you, you are a dumbass. The same goes with leering.
3. Do the math. If you could be our Grandfather, trust! It isn't going to happen! Keep your skeevy eyes in their sockets. While you imagine yourself to be desirable with your horrible breath, your wild eyes and your geriatric outfit, you aren't. And your wife probably doesn't find your behavior sexy either.
2. Don't spit. What foul thing is in your mouth that you need to hork in public? Have you considered flossing or brushing your teeth? Are you aware of the terrible noise you make when you spit?
And finally...
1. Street grates are extremely hazardous for the heeled woman. We get stuck in them and they ruin perfectly good shoes. If you are walking towards us or beside us and see we are wearing high heels, move the hell over! You can walk your flat footed feet on the grate with no issues.
5. Never walk more than 2 abreast. There is nothing I detest more than getting stuck behind a pack of inconsiderates who fan out to form an impenetrable line of 4 abreast. The thoughtless wonders who generally do this are also walking at a tourist's pace so it is impossible the rest of us to get to work in time! The world is NOT your oyster! Move over or walk behind each other!
4. Whistling, cat calling and leering are anything but sexy. While you may think that shouting out brilliant things like, "Hey Baby!" or "Got some fries with that shake?" will make us want to stop, turn around and make mad love to you, you are a dumbass. The same goes with leering.
3. Do the math. If you could be our Grandfather, trust! It isn't going to happen! Keep your skeevy eyes in their sockets. While you imagine yourself to be desirable with your horrible breath, your wild eyes and your geriatric outfit, you aren't. And your wife probably doesn't find your behavior sexy either.
2. Don't spit. What foul thing is in your mouth that you need to hork in public? Have you considered flossing or brushing your teeth? Are you aware of the terrible noise you make when you spit?
And finally...
1. Street grates are extremely hazardous for the heeled woman. We get stuck in them and they ruin perfectly good shoes. If you are walking towards us or beside us and see we are wearing high heels, move the hell over! You can walk your flat footed feet on the grate with no issues.
4 comments:
ugh I absolutely agree with the first point. This really gets on my nerves. I also get annoyed by people with umbrellas who insist on walking under the awnings so that people without umbrellas are forced out into the rain. What? They're afraid to get their umbrellas wet or something?
OMG are you for real???? What absolute BS. The sidewalk is for all pedestrians not just stuck up divas who don't know how to wear high heels properly and manouvre over grates! I used to love your site, but when I read such bubble-gum, air-headed sh*t as this....can we really blame men when they call such "chicks" dumb broads! I think not! Thanks for sending the women's movement 50 years back into the past...all we now need to complete the picture is a beehive hair-do, a well pressed apron and a box of Betty Crocker brownie mix!
Mmmmmmm! Betty Crocker brownies. Yummy!
Oh, Anoymous Chick(en)... flattery will get you everywhere ;)
You make me blush. I had no idea the power I wield was strong enough to send the women's movement back 50 years in the past! Golly!
Just for shits and giggles, which part of what I said did you find the most offensive?:
1. Be aware of others on the sidewalk besides yourself,
2. Don't treat women like a piece of meat,
3. Don't pollute the sidewalk with your bodily fluids and,
4. Don't force those of us wearing heels to get them caught in street grates by refusing to move over?
Am also wondering:
Does wearing heels make a person a "Dumb Broad" or is it strictly ineptitude at maneuvering street grates that makes a person worthy of a beehive and an apron?
Dumb Broad: I agree. I could go for some brownies right about now!
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